That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
