i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Is Oprah even human
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
