This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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