If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
