Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
