It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
