hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
