So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
