He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
