He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
