My nipple is on Facebook.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
