Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
