no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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