forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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