ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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