It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
