FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
