are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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