Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
