We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
