Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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