U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
everyone is single if you try hard enough
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
