Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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