You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
