I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We have started to decorate penises.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
