if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
