That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
