just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
