is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
