I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
