Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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