Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Can I color on your dick again?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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