It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
