Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
