I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
