How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
