I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
