After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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