i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She announced her abortion via fbk
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
