Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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