Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
