Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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