I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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