Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
