1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
