hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
