tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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