I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
