oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
