I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
