just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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