He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
