If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
