How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
